On being a natural
To follow up my last post I want to make a couple more comments.
For those of you who are naturals. This stuff might not make sense. You may not understand why someone would have to be told how to do this stuff. For example, why would you ever tell someone how to eat a bowl of cereal? That sounds stupid. But for those who haven’t had the unique set of circumstances and life experiences to become natural on their own these ideas may seem revolutionary! You see our understanding can be broken into four categories:*
1). Unconscious incompetency: These are skills or competencies that you do not have. Not only do you not have them you do not even realize that you do not have them. Therefore unless someone points out your lack you will not be aware of the need for growth. Remember this point always “True confidence breeds humility.” What do I mean? A confident person sees that he’s been wrong before and missed certain key aspects of life. Therefore he is humble enough to let others challenge his reality with a great one.
2). Conscious incompetency. This is where you recognize that you have a lack. You see that something in your like is missing. A skill or competency. Or you may realize that you have been doing the right thing the wrong way and need to rework your method.
3). Conscious competency. Once you realize your need for growth and begin reading, asking, and practicing to become good at what you lack you will eventually (with hard work!) become competent. Remember that this takes time. It’s not an overnight miracle that one blog or system can fix.
4). Unconscious competency. Ah, naturals. Here is where you fall. And where any one of us can get with enough practice. Think about when you started driving a car. At first you had no idea what you were doing. But (hopefully) after a year or two you began to get the hang of it. Before long you were driving safely as long as you paid attention. But what about after five or ten years? Or more? You eventually don’t even have to think about driving. You just “be” the road. Remember being in state? You are in the state of driving. Your unconscious mind may even take over for you and direct your driving without your realizing it.
I had the unhappy instance once of getting a speeding ticket for going about 20 over the limit. I remember catching myself from time to time on that drive realizing I was excessively speeding (more than normal – ha-ha). I would slow down to a more normal speed and then soon forget about driving again. As soon as my subconscious brain took over I immediately started speeding again. You see my brain knew I was an excellent driver. It knew I was alert enough and skilled enough to drive at least 20 over the speed limit.
Now in this situation allowing my natural instincts to take over wasn’t in my favor. I had to retrain my subconscious to recognize there are limits that must be imposed even if my abilities exceed them. But think about in relation to social interaction with the opposite sex. Have you ever gone from just talking to a girl to cuddling with her on a couch and all the sudden your conscious brain snapped back into reality and wondered “how did I get here?” A natural never questions this concept. Its just a given part of the interaction. For those who still have the challenge of growing in this area, it may be a rare question that surfaces after those few instances when you completely relax and allow yourself to go natural.
Take away: Learn what your incompetency is and be open to discovering unconscious ones you didn’t realize were there. Then be willing to go through the unnatural conscious state of mastering your new self, knowing that with time it will become . . . natural.
*Ideas originally developed by Gordon Training International)