“I’ll never meet another guy who understands me like he does”

The scarcity mindset: Ladies

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One thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of women tend to fall in love (so to speak) with these guys that seriously seem way less than what they deserve. The guy may be lazy, inexperienced, a jerk, or just immature, but the girls is stuck on the idea that he is the one for her. Of course, we all get that passionate vague feeling of being in love with someone and thinking that they are our soul mate, and then regretfully realizing later we were wrong. But what about the girls who actually settle for and marry these guys?

I’ve talked to several women in dating relationships like this and have observed probably a hundred more. A common thing I notice is this, “he’s the best I can get, I’ll never meet another guy who [fill in the blank here] like he does, I know he’s not perfect but there aren’t many good guys left”.

Not to bore you with economics, but this is what would be called a scarcity mentality. What they mean is that you believe there are only a very limited number of opportunities for you to have a decent relationship. And if you pass up too many of them you might end up single and alone forever.

This is a scary thought for many Christian women who grew up with dreams of a family and a Godly stable home. While these might be good things to desire, looking at the many couples who follow that path (getting married early into what an outsider might correctly guess to be a mismatched relationship) don’t seem to be very happy a few years down the road when the bills and the babies are due and their dream isn’t so desirable anymore.

So are there really only a limited number of good guys out there for you ladies? Perhaps. But by good I mean sweep you off your feel, romantic, strong, Godly, hardworking, emotionally understanding, sexy . . . basically a perfect guy who barely if ever exists. But if you mean good by most people’s standards, someone who’s a good companion, who you find attractive, who loves you and love God the best he can, there are hundreds and thousands of these out there. Trust me if this guy isn’t working out you have till you’re at least 30 to find another one. And chances are if you’re still in college now you could find 30 more such guys by the time you reach that age.

I know it’s easy to think in a relationship that he’s the only guy who knows you this way, and it will take time to grow a new relationship. But seriously, there are thousands of good guys out there if you take the time to meet them, and go where they are so they can meet you.

The danger with thinking that the good guy pool is limited is that you become desperate; you are easily persuaded to fall in love with someone who isn’t a good match for you. And then you may lose moral standards, you may lose friends; you may lose your first marriage. Remember a relationship is a lot of work so I wouldn’t recommend dating around carelessly. But if this one isn’t working don’t despair. There is not a scarcity of men in this world.

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