Controlling Boyfriends (part 3): What can I do to change?
So what if you are that guy who notices he is the control freak and its ruining his relationship? What can you start doing now to change? Are you ready for some hard work? Are you ready to rewrite the way you think?
I can imagine that most guys don’t want to be controlling. I never did and I’d try to rationalize any way that I could. However, by stepping back and away from the situation I could look and see what my actions really were. So step back. Maybe take some time off. Try to see from the girl’s perspective for a while? Ask yourself “am I trying to ensure that a certain outcome occurs. Do I believe that I won’t be happy unless that outcome occurs? Am I actually less happy by working so hard to control the outcome than I would be if I just let things happen?”
This blog talks a lot about getting what you want. You want the hot guy? Be the hot girl? You want an amazing well rounded wife? Be an amazing well rounded guy, with a sense of direction to boot. You like your freedom and ability to make your own decisions? Allow your significant other that same freedom and don’t spend your hours imagining infidelity and how she might break your trust.
Allow your girl (as if you have a choice) to hang out in settings that include other guys who could and might hit on her. Don’t question what happened. Don’t make yourself present. If you are present (a social gathering you are both attending where she is not necessarily evidently yours) allow her time and space that could invite other men to approach her.
Encourage her to enjoy and participate in activities that you both can’t do together. Maybe you have to work that night. Maybe you plan something with some other people. It’s important to have a life outside of each other. I’ve never been married but I think I can safely say this is important even in marriage. Certainly in dating.
Enjoy with amusement other guys flirting with her even in your presence. Ah this is a hard one. But who is she going home with. Honestly. If your girl is out with you and leaves you to go home with another guy you probably didn’t lose much bro.
Consciously ask more questions and give fewer answers. We love to solve problems (both men and women alike). We want to have a solution for our significant other’s tears and tirades. However, sometimes just asking questions and trying to understand is just what they need: not some well thought solution to a problem.
Try to go an entire week without once telling your girl what to do. Normally you should be assertive and make decisions. But if you struggle with being controlling you may be going to the opposite extreme, making all the decisions without her in mind.
Learn to put yourself in situations where you are out of control. Do this with all areas of life. If you can learn to master the art of controlling yourself when your circumstances are out of your control, you will go a long way in the dating game.