The True Love Project

Do we really need another website on relationships? What advice can you give me that I can’t get anywhere else? Why are you different? What makes you think the way you do?

I started the true love project because of what I found lacking in Christian education on relationships.

You see I grew up in a Christian environment like many of my readers. We were taught to follow the Bible, to lay down our lives for our wives, to live like Christ, etc. And it sounded so good. Like “this could really work if we would both just get on board and start living like Christ we’d be in love forever”.

But reality set in and I realized I couldn’t make my relationships work and that I just wasn’t happy in them like I thought I’d be. So I turned to Christian literature to find the answer. Maybe I’d missed something in the Bible that these experts could enlighten me on. And I turned to Christian friends, particularly females to get advice and learn what makes them tick.

Here’s what I found. Christian books were well intentioned and had some good advice. But the majority of their advice can be summed up in this sentence “Love God and be a good Christian and your relationships will work out great”. Ok sure but practically speaking? Mark Driscoll speaks in his book Real Marriage of his experience reading 200 Christian marriage books and finding not one that emphasized what he thinks is the most important key: friendship. Something was lacking in this literature: real experience? Psychology? Knowledge of the world and how it works?

And then there was my friend’s advice. You see this was before I realized something, what most people say they want and what they really want are two different things. Interesting. So all that advice from girls on how to get girls probably wasn’t accurate. Also I’m a guy trying to get a girl. No girl has ever experienced what it is like to be a man trying to romance a woman. They biologically can’t!

Finally, I started reading secular literature. At first it was hard. This stuff often went completely against what I was taught growing up. Some of it seemed contrary to the Bible. Certainly to the Christian subculture. But then it started clicking. At the core of much secular relationship literature is this key: Love your neighbor as you would like to be loved. Or to put it another way: To be happy add value and happiness to other people’s lives.

Isn’t that the golden rule? So at the core of much of this secular literature was the golden rule. But the practical side of it was often different than the Christian literature. It was based on experience. Guys who had dated LOTS of girls. Girls who had interviewed HUNDREDS of relationships both good and bad. Psychologists who understand how we think and how we connect.

It wasn’t perfect for sure. But it was good. And I wondered why I’d never heard it before. Until I realized that very few Christians would ever read this stuff because it was “secular”.

I guess I hold the idea that all truth is God’s truth. If this is what works and is true, than it must be the way God created it to work. So just because I can’t find a verse for each thing I write, I can base it on this principle “Love your neighbor”.